...'in the money'

University has begun, the freshers have arrived, the returners have reappeared but my student loan is no where to be seen.

I am in dire straits. I have 30 pounds left to my name. On any normal week that would be an issue. On freshers week, at one of the most expensive university's in the country, that is what you call a disaster. There is food to be bought, tickets to be purchased and alcohol to be drunk; yet at this rate, by the time my loan shows its sorry little face, I will have wasted away, the tickets will be sold out and I will no longer remember what alcohol is. Tragic.

I can't even drown my sorrows in a pint glass, as I can't afford a pint of anything. I could probably just afford a shot of something, but that wouldn't be sufficient enough to drown all of my sorrows - I am VERY sorrowful.

This summer has generally been a bad one, money wise. I don't know how I got into such a financial mess but it's been awful. I've had to sell myself on street corners and allow my body to be used for medical experiments just to earn a bit of cash....well, almost. I did sell a few belongings on eBay. I was constantly 'in the red' and no matter what money I put into my account, it just got eaten up by my huge overdraft.

I had a job for a while but every pay check went straight back out for my rent. When I got home from uni, I tried to get a job but no where wanted me on such a short term basis. It was then my birthday, and I was counting on getting a hefty sum of money from relatives and the like (it was my 21st after all) but that plan fell through too - I ended up with a measly 100 pounds (yes I am ungrateful and bitter but I'm allowed to be, I'm poor).

When you have no money everything feels that little bit harder. I know they say love makes the world go round but money definitely makes it all run a little smoother. I felt guilty buying a coffee in town and worried whether it was a bit of an extravagance to do so; I had to debate whether it was worth spending a fiver on a return bus fare to town, or out for drinks, if it wasn't for something really important; I had to sit and watch others eating food, or buying drinks when we were out, as I couldn't afford to do the same. It was tough.

I can hear you all out there, telling me to stop moaning, and haven't I heard about the starving childen in Africa?! And yes, of course I know there are people worse off than me in the world, but when you can't pay your rent and you fear you might end up living rough with only a stray dog for company, it is REALLY hard to think about anything other than your shitty bank balance.

So, as you can imagine, I was really looking forward to my student loan landing in my bank account and making everything easier again. But no, apparently that is not what the big man in the sky wants for me. I am destined to find my meals in dustbins and sleep in doorways for the foreseeable future. I will let you know when I surface above the poverty line again, if that ever happens, and until then you will be able to find me and my stray dog in any local rubbish dump/shop doorway.