Earlier today I made my return to the world of exercise, and finally went back to the gym! Hoorah! I am currently feeling very good about myself. I even cycled there and back. I know, I know, what a star I am. I got to the gym, and had some previous thoughts of mine confirmed by the sight of a dwarf, a man in a suit and the doppelganger of Dennis the Menace, wandering in before me.
These previous thoughts were essentially along the lines of, 'wow, you do get some odd balls in the gym, don't you'*.
So, in I went, and straight onto what I like to call, the giant stepper. It is basically a bigger cross-trainer, but simulates an action more similar to climbing a hill than running (crazy, eh?). I decided to listen to the dialogue from the t.v. shows that were on in front of me, instead of my usual 'pumped-up playlist' on my iPod (I'm making WILD decisions left, right and centre today) and stumbled upon Loose Women.
Today their guest was lead singer of The Script, Danny O'Donoghue. He was, in fact, the deciding factor in the decision I took to not switch over to another channel. I do love a good sing-a-long to a Script song, and think Danny is quite pleasing on the eye so listened a while longer as my legs worked the giant stepper. At the ad break I switched to the next channel where Taio Cruz's music video for his new single, Dynamite, was on. Why didn't I switch sooner, I thought, as I began to climb in-time with the music and felt massively energized. This feels GOOD, I thought! Yes! I am back in the gym and loving it! Burn those calories, bitch! Yeah! ... Then the song ended and I plumeted back down, deciding I had had enough of the exhausting giant stepper, and it was time for a change.
It was while sitting on the rowing machine next, that I saw another odd ball appear. The man, who I have now given the title, the Mountaineer, jumped on the giant stepper that I had just vacated with all the energy of a small child after consuming too many coloured sweets. He then began to step so furiously, I decided he must be training to climb Everest with a goal time of about ten minutes. Seriously, the Mountaineer was going for it.
Not for long though, it turned out. At three minutes, the Mountaineer's face was puce with exhaustion and he could have filled a dried-out well with the amount of sweat pouring off him. He had obviously gone too hard too soon (no innuendo intended) and had to demount the giant stepper for fear of ruining his Everest mission due to physical exhaustion.
I, meanwhile, was feeling great. I moved onto the treadmill, with the dwarf by my side. Not literally - I mean he wasn't there supporting me through my work out - but he was a couple of treadmills down, going at an easy pace. Ahead of me, I spied man-in-a-suit. Turned out he was actually quite a young guy, and quite good-looking. I, of course, kept a (subtle) eye on him, although not for long as he began to make me seriously worry for his health. Yes he was good looking but he was certainly not buff - his arms were like stick insects - yet, he was lifting a pair of ginormous weights (I like to think it was to impress me, teehee). I genuinely thought he might break an arm and had to look elsewhere as my squeamish side took over. What a shame, time passed much quicker when I had a hotty to stalk.
As I was leaving the gym, I got caught in the turnstiles and felt a little embarrassed - I blame the post-workout thrill I was feeling at the time - but guess who was on hand to help me out? Dennis the Menace himself.
*No genuine offense was meant to dwarfs, men in suits, or in fact Dennis the Menace lookalikes.
I have a man at my gym who makes sex noises on the bikes. Also, one who wears velour trousers. I think they migrate to gyms nationwide over the summer months because they don't like the heat.
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